So I finished Final Fantasy XII for a second time this weekend, just to see the ending again. No I didn't play through the whole game, just finished it from my latest save file. So I got the Deathbringer, Zodiac Spear, Ultima Blade, and all the Espers except Chaos, Ultima and Zodiac.
I decided then that I would stop playing the game. It stopped being fun about 20 hours into the game itself and I just kept playing for the sake of seeing the plot turned out. The Espers sucked and were unimaginative and their super moves were mostly boring, and sometimes incredibly taxing to pull off. The combat didn't feel fun either, none of the characters had cool moves or spells, they just weren't as good as previous FFs. Even the Mist Quickenings were quite lame compares to Omnislash, Renzokouken, or Blitz Ace.
I just went onto youtube and watched the videos of the deathblows of the last three Espers I didn't get. After all, spending another 20 hours of my life playing and hunting (which mostly involves running for hours, nothing but running, and boy they run slow) is not my idea of fun, unless the gameplay is compelling.
That's when I started playing Xenosaga 3, and I'm already enjoying it more than FF XII. I feel bad though, I really REALLY wanted to love FF XII, but I just don't. The villain was non-existent (although Cid was pretty cool). Combat boring. Spell effects were bad. And oh god the espers, they make me wanna cry. I mean...the ultimate esper is a worm/larva. I miss Anima and Bahamut.
Back to the actual topic of the post. I began thinking about how I spend a good deal of time playing video games. Time that could be used to further my educational pursuits. Time to make myself physically stronger. Time to go out with people and socialise. Time to watch movies. Time to take up other hobbies.
Is there any point to gaming? That was the question. Would I be better off just not wasting anymore time. After all, hundreds of hours of my life, perhaps thousands have been used up with little to show for it besides so memories or cutscenes that I could have just seen by downloading or streaming them online, and some ones and zeros on a memory card.
An example of this would be FFX. Ive easily spent at least 160 hours on that game. I don't even have a save file of it. I'd like to here anyone else's take on this.
Since I am a gamer by nature you can expect me to defend gaming rather than bash it. If I might point on, there is no more point to spending 5 hours a day gaming than 5 hours overtime so you can afford to buy a Mercedes. You would have to think, what is the point of having that car. It doesn't make you live longer. It doesn't generate income. It performs a function that you can achieve in a myriad of simpler and less intensive methods.
I don't think there's much point to anything you do in life. No matter how much money you make, or how strong you become, or how smart.....you're ultimately worm food. What's important is doing the things that make you happy, that bring you pleasure. Its surrounding yourself with people who share the same interests as you. Its about having fun.
Clearly any intelligent person will tell you that there's no point in only having fun. Of course this is true, you need to survive first, you need income to function in this world and the use in furthering your own enjoyment. After that minimum level of functionality is taken care off its really up to you. Whether you enjoy gaming, watching TV, sports, reading, studying, advancing your career, driving around in a Mercedes, or watching Malaysians get their butts handed to them in sporting events.
I don't think there's any one right answer. They're all the right thing to do, for the sole reason that it makes life enjoyable for you. Of course there will be times when people, even loved ones whom you know and trust will try to stop you, to push their thinking of what should be fun and what you should do with your life onto you. Their idea is correct....for them, not necessarily for you.
So I'm going to keep on gaming because its what I enjoy. It makes me happy and allows me to pass my time on earth feeling satisfied with my life. I worry that one day someone might try to force me to work hard to buy a big house, or a luxury car, or expensive suits, or just to get more money. I'm afraid that the woman I marry will do this to me someday. Its funny because people say they love you, but do they really, they love you but try to change you, try to tell you that who and what you are needs to change. How is that love, its nothing more than someone else telling you they know better than you and that you should listen to them under the guise or love, which is utilised for something so base as inflicting guilt upon you to make you conform.
I've felt like this for some time. Mostly from relatives. They claim to love and care about me, but the truth is that most of them just can't seem to handle and accept me for who I am, and this is just as far as gaming is concerned. These people think its okay to spend a day plastered in front of the TV, or reading a book, yet gaming is bad.
I'm tired of people claiming love. Mostly liars and charlatans they are. I am afraid. All I wanted was to be able to do the things I enjoy in this world. Eat well, eat what I like and health be damned. To have lots of sex. To play video games. To go out drinking with friends occasionally. To play DotA with the gang every once in awhile. I have no ambitions to work like a dog for a big house, or a car, or mutual funds. I already have everything I've ever wanted.
Yet now I feel trapped. Cornered like a rat surrounded my cats. I'm engaged to a woman I love. And I'm supposed to migrate to the USA. And then get married, get a job, have kids. Yet I am afraid. I am afraid of this....
I've never been afraid of death, ever, but now I fear it because of who I will leave behind. I cannot enjoy eating like a pig because I must think about my health and appearance. I'm supposed to have ambition because we must buy a big house instead of just renting an apartment, because we need 2 or 3 cars. I need to worry about retirement and savings instead of blowing wads of cash having the party of life. I need to worry that being a girl she is incapable of understanding gaming and will try to change me. Again....I love YOU....but....not this you..the you that I'm going to turn you into is who I love.
So here I am at a massive turning point in my life. To have everything you've ever wanted for yourself, enough money, entertainment, your own place to stay (who gives a shit that its rented). I could have a permanent position in an Oil and Gas company here with nice working hours and decent pay. But then, there is love.....
To give it all up for the unknown, just for that shot to live happily ever with the girl and ride off into the sunset. Is it worth it? Who knows? I think it is, and most times the greatest rewards in life come from the things that scare the shit out of us.
Still....is it love...I know I love for I do not seek to change. How can someone love YOU if they seek to change you. I am afraid...because I can't be anything but me....the rest is lies...and you can't hide the truth.
I guess I'm also stressed that I have to sit for bloody exams on 10th of February next year and go to Singapore to do so. Nothing can make you want to be single and alone forever more than the prospect of studying for an exam.
In the end, the truth must be that my hesitation is not that I will miss Malaysia or the people here, I'm not the homesick type. It must be that its starting to dawn on me that I will have to be a different person if I go there, and that if I don't change the whole arrangement will just implode.
Maybe I've watched too much TV, that I've convinced myself that being single is a horrible thing. I already know that if I was not engaged now, I wouldn't put much effort into dating. That instead I would spend my time getting fat and being lazy. Its not that I hate women, its just that being alone isn't that horrible pit people would have you believe it is. I don't mean totally alone, I just mean being single.
I think all the divorces in the world just happen because people have convinced themselves they need to find that significant other. But I'm not so sure....
Okay thats it for me. I need to eat. |
At 2:27 PM,
True, FFXII is not as good as the other FF games, hell yea, i like Cid, how come the heroes cant pull out that kind of limit break, well, no need to go into the another screen or do the chain thingie, i just dun get it. I m now playing God Hand and the game is just hilarious i reckon. I like the moves and the special.
One thing about being a gamer. I used to be able to spend my whole day time glued to my tv and played games. On weekends i can play probably 10 hours of gameplay (i needed 8 hours of sleep, otherwise i will feel sloppy the next day). so the other 6 hours is for other stuffs like going to loo, eating, chatting and surfing for games guide or games mp3 and chatting.
But now, i find that playing games is just a bit bored. I cant play more than 3 hours a day (except for online games). It seems i have changed. If i found some rpgs boring, i just drop the game halfway and that is so not me. I used to plough through the game even though it bores me to death.
Speaking of death, i have accepted it. In my line of duty, i m pretty much exposed to hazardous and cancerous chemicals. I have also told everyone that i try to enjoy my life to the fullest whenever possible, who knows, i might be 'kong' the next day. Try to enjoy every minute of my life. Maximize my life to the fullest.
On love, yeah, i think people should love you for who you are, if they try to change you, then you are not you anymore. That's why i wan to look for my life partner whom also enjoy gaming as much as i do. And someone who dun try to change me so much (a bit of changes or sacrifise for the better is ok i think, but not the majority of my life).
Magnus, i sometime feels afraid also, afraid of being alone (totally all by myself) but sometime i just felt like going to somewhere isolated and started a new lease of there, shut out from the interference from everyone, anyone. I just want to be alone, but yet i feel afraid at the same time. I feel hollow from within even though my life is filled with so many activities day in day out.
At 3:00 PM,
you need a big big hug.. if only i was big enough to give you that.. :P
At 4:18 PM,
I liked the voice actor for Cid as well, he's one of the better ones in the game. The biggest letdown of all was the Archadian Judge Magisters, they were hardly in the game except for some lame boss fights. There was so much judge kickass potential there. Oh well ;D
I'm not too into gaming on a daily basis, like maybe an hour or two after work. Mostly I prefer to read and watch shows. But on the weekends if I'm in KL I can spend the whole day playing, taking breaks every 2 hours or so to search for hentai.
Dood! What kind of job do you have??? In the end you only have one life either way, so its best to not waste it worrying about what you should do and just do what you want. Even f you're a horrible screw up, death cleanses even the dirtiest plate.
I guess its different if you change when you fall in love. I just don't get the paradox of people saying they love someone and then wanting to change that person. Why can't everyone just be easygoing.
Actually this whole alone thing has come full circle for me. I used to hang out by myself for most of primary school as a loner. Then in highschool and college it was always the group thing. Now in working life I actually wound up enjoying my alone time.
Most people have nothing interesting to say, but when I try talking about stuff the inevitable snide comments about how I talk too much get thrown in. In the end I found I preferred my own company to that of most others.
Its not even sad really. If you'd asked me what I thought of being in this situation 2 years ago I would have been horrified, but now...its perfectly fine with me.
As for isolation. I did find that while my activities have lessened significantly due to isolation, I do tend to enjoy myself more when I do go out. Trust me the stresses of trying to organise and meet up with friends is just too much for me that I've mostly given up on KL.
So Kavi, who get's the hug now? Me or Adole? You might need arm extensions to hug me though....
At 5:17 PM,
Yeah, organising is such a hideous task. You have to into account everybody's interests and dislikes, then plan for something everyone will be content with. This bring headache sometime, stress as u mentioned.
If i go out with frens, i try to go with the flow. I wont talk much or jeer at them like i do to my close pals, cause i know their limits and they wont actually mind, like what they did to me in return, lol. It's a cirlce thing. If i met someone for the first time, i will tend to be more careful and watch what i m saying so that i wont make any malicious remarks or bad impressions.
I used to be a loner too only if after school. No night activities, no nothing. Pretty much cooped up in my den and play games. That was my life from when first i got my first Atari video games until now, probably close to 20 years.
Interesting things to say is something obscene. i love to start topic like this. hehe. it's an accrueing experience for me. still got more to learn.
I cant download hentai or any porn, shared pc. sad rite?
i need all the hug i can get. Mwhahaha
At 7:11 PM,
thats some deep shit man...i hope u find ure way!
At 1:45 AM,
The only constant in life is change. With that in mind you will realise that we are constantly changing. Perhaps our loved ones notice the changes and guide us towards a 'better' state ... I don't think that we will change if we are uncomfortable with the idea of change.
As you mentioned you are starting to feel the monotony of gaming , you are begining to question yourself ... this is a prelude for possible change, all it needs now is for your better half to convince you that gaming is bad and you'll put it aside .. the real question is are they changing us or are we deep down inside looking for an excuse to change ? I am sure that if you are determined not to change no one can do it, even if they drag you away kicking and screaming ..
I guess i am not making any sense so I'll just gracefully stop here ..
At 9:35 AM,
Dood I think you misread me, I was feeling the monotony of FF XII, Xenosaga 3 is a whole new kettle of fish. Loving my gaming!!!!
But you're right about change being constant. I'm definately not the same person I was when I was a kid. At least that's what I thought, but as I write this its dawned on me that I am the exact same person I was when I was 5,10, 15 years old. I mean the core of who we are doesn't really change. At least that's how I feel now.
But we do change our habits, but I find its only meaningful if change comes from within. Other people can't decide for you what's 'better', although they will always try to.
I guess the worst feeling is not having other people decide for you what you want and who you should be, in fact that's actually very simple. The worst is when you have no idea what you want to do, who you want to be. I suppose teenagers grapple with this the most because when I think about it, my formative years were in highschool, I haven't changed much since then.
At 11:50 PM,
you people tend to make a lot of sense .. *astonished* ..
i hate crossroads.. i dont like having to decide.. GAHHHH WARLOCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you need to spend some time with me online la .. i need to ask you about biotech before i decide on a course..
isnt too hard to sacrifice one game of dota to spend time with this oh-so-needy-of-your-time punya cousin sis right..
okay la hahahaha.. yes JOKE.. dont get a knife ready yet..
i will just see you when you're free..
At 10:47 AM,
Well figure out what kind of career path you want to take first. Do you want to spend time in a lab, office, in front of a PC. Do you want to move around a lot, travel, interact with many people. Are you shy, outgoing.
Next step is to decide if you're the kind of person that can study for a shitty course if it means getting the job you want, cos sometimes studying for what you want to do can really suck.
At 2:54 PM,
i want to..errm...
meet david beckham :P
okay la i mean i was considering food science.. i like research based stuff..and like spending time in the lab..
i dont mind travelling ..especially if its to spain.. i get to see beckham wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
alrighty.. will be going to Monash Uni with mom this weekend to find out more about their courses and all..
hehe..
At 3:49 PM,
Why? Why WHY WHY???
The Archadian Judges started out with so much potential. At least give us some super side bosses that are judges.
Its would have been so much nicer if you really felt like the judges were hot on your tail, rather than just getting captured over and over.
Xenosaga 3 rocks, I hope they make Episode 4 now that 3 did well.
Hey Warlock, I suggest you play Episode 1 and 2, you really miss out on all the cool Albedo scenes. Play Episode 1, use a gameshark for episode 2 (I hated the combat system) and then play episode 3. There's not a lot of gametime for Xenosaga, its more cutscenes, but oh so cool
At 4:19 PM,
Ivalice has a LOT of wolves...
At 9:48 AM,
Xenosaga 3 is said to be the last. There wont be any 4 at the moment. The story comprises of 6 eps. The 5th eps is called Xenogears for PS, released way back. Actually, i found that Xenogears are a lot better compared to Xenosaga series in terms of battle sequence and the Anima Relics. But graphically, of coz Xenosaga is better. Since Xenogears is a copyright for Square enix, Namco wont be able to remake Xenosaga 5. So if there truely is Xenosaga 4, u will have to get back to Xenogears also.
At 9:30 AM,
Yeah Xenogears rocked!! One of my favourite games. Did you notice that Abel in Xenosaga 3 looks strikingly similar to Fei in Xenogears.
Hmmmmmmmmmm.........
I've been skipping out on Xenosaga to play DotA but it keeps going bad, either we wind up disconnecting repeatedly or spending loads of time in the waiting room waiting for Salty Peanuts III to show up
At 3:42 PM,
Yeah, i think Abel might be Fei, because he is the only one who can pilot Omega and if memory doest fail me, i think his relic is actually looks the same like omega in Xenosaga. Miang might be Kosmos. But Miang supposedly to be human. Or is it *****? Nephilim on the other hand resembles Ellie. The **** is the name of the character that will be revealed somewhere in this game, u could have guessed or read it already perhaps, but just in case, i dun wan to spoil ur fun. From the ending, something must have happened in eps 4, the Abel somehow got stucked on earth, and i think Citan is Shion's brother, Jin Uzuki, cause Citan's real name is Citan Uzuki or Dr. Uzuki. His relics and sword techniques are the prove. Just mayb they changed the name to avoid comflicting policies between two developers. Then where are the rest of the gang in Xenogears? I wan to know what actually happen in eps 4 honestly :P. And Emeralda's anime relics looks familiar. I speculate that Billy in Xenogears is actually connected to Rubedo somehow because the share the same weapon style and anima relic.
One Wise man also appeared in Xenogear, but we dunno who.
At 9:24 AM,
Well I read somewhere that the events in Xenogears are supposed to take place some 5000 years after the current Xenosaga timeline
Xenogears was meant to be Episode 5. Episode 4 was meant to resolve what happens in the Xenosaga (KOS-MOS/Shion) timeline. I dunno if it'll ever come out though since I think they squished in most of the Episode 4 plot into Episode 3. Will go and look around for a plot guide once I finish. I'm at Old Miltia now.
I'm sad. I love KOS-MOS T_T
Now if only I could get away from Hamachi and pay PS2 games!!!