Well another week of my life has been flushed down the tube. I suppose its a bit overly dramatic to say that, but I am starting to feel like I'm doing nothing with my life these days......AND LOVING IT!!!
See I spent the weekend locked up in my apartment playing video games, watching anime/movies and sufing the internet. The only time I went outside was to get food. I guess I'm either getting older or just getting sick of people in general. See the thing is that I'm suffering from a mildly similar problem as Adole with my friends in KL.
You see my core group of friends in KL basically stem from college buddies and buddies of college buddies. I don't hang out with co-workers because quite frankly they are (i) old, (ii) muslim (hey not to be prejudiced but there's just too many restrictions for me), and (iii) mothers who believe that the world wants to know all about how their kid(s) are that smartest/cutest/have special bottoms etc etc etc.
So my core friends are nice people and all, but ever since we've been out of college, all of us have grown apart. Everyone working and boring. Conversation topics are limited. Its always the same old boring drivel about how work sucks etc etc etc. These smae people never have time for even lunch or coffee after work. So everyone is basically in the office or back home in their parents houses. I've become extremely jaded about this and have grown extremely tired of trying to call people to do anything, its always busy with work, no time, who is coming, I'll try to make it or any number of excuses. Now I know its unfair and all, but I don't consider people I don't have regular interaction with to be friends.
So now I basically tend to just go home and play video games or watch TV. I used to feel really guilty about this. See I'm a gamer at heart. I love my video games, they're a hobby, an outlet, a huge source of entertainment. I'm not saying everybody should agree with this, but don't knock video games just because you don't play or understand the entertainment factor. I know I'm straying off topic, but isn't it odd how the idiots that are always dissing video games think its okay to park yourself in front of the TV to watch Astro, but actively participating in a story driven video game is weird to them.
But see I used to feel bad about staying home. I used to feel that I should be out doing stuff with people. Clubbing. Movies and such. But these days I'm all clubbed out, the nightclubs hold no fascination for me, they are boring, loud and filled with children or triad members. Its just well, going out with people here isn't fun anymore. On top of that I've become bitter and find most of them annoying and irritating with their petty and irrational concerns. I know, I'm turning into John Becker.
Work isn't satisfying. Just spent the better half of the morning in a meeting fantasising about summoning Belias to mess up everyone in the room. Still the work part is a non-issue for me really since I've stopped caring. I just come in to the office, do what I'm told to do and return to my cocoon of darkness. I actually do appreciate it though since it gives me the funds to finance my other habits.
In the end I guess its just that I'm happier being alone in KL. It doesn't sound like it based on the whining I just subjected you to, but I've come to appreciate the company of my own thoughts more than that of the people I seem to be subjected to most of the time. Seremban gang is excluded from this though, you are basically the some of the select few whose company I enjoy, be it DotA or our energetic discussions at the mamak on movies, politics and porno.
The plan has always been to move to the USA of course and the assumption is that once I'm there things will change and I'll be going out more, but the truth is I don't realy care. Of course I'm going there to be with my fiancee, but all this hanging with friends is growing old.
In essence I've come full circle at the middle of my life cycle. See when I was a little kid and through most of primary school, I would spend a lot of time on my own. Recess, the time before and after school, sitting on the stairs or watching ants. Its not that I was a social outcast, its just that that's what I wanted to do. Later I started hanging out with people more, especially in highschool. Movies, the cybercafe, shopping malls. This went on and increased in intensity at college. Trips to Coffee Bean, nightclubs, going to resorts and all manner of fun things. It was a great ride while it lasted.
I do know that if I wanted to do this all again I could. What worries me is that I don't want to. I don't want to go out anymore. I don't want to go to movies. I don't want to go clubbing. Is this a horrible thing? I wonder sometimes if I'll regret this as I age, but I just don't feel it. I like a nice simple meeting of us in Seremban for Dota and mamak or the occasional movie, but I think I could probably do just fine without that as well.
What do you guys think? Is my current attitude a horrible one? Should I force myself to change my orientation towards socialising?
Well that's my little rant for the day.
I saw "Casino Royale" and it was actually pretty good. You will all like it so go take a look see. "Happy Feet" is supposed to be good to, but not cinema worthy since its not an action flick.
I've also been watching this anime series called "Trinity Blood" its about vampires and humans having a war and the main character is a "kruznik" a creature that drinks the blood of vampires. Its cool, but the episodes tend to move to slowly. It helps me get over the filler episodes of "Naruto". Let me know if you guys wanna watch it and I'll burn a DVD.
I've gotten until Mt. Bur Omisance in FF12 already while managing to net some super high level armor in Bartheim, although I just cannot kill Zaleras (Esper angel of death) before the time limit runs out. I hate having only my swamiji (Belias) he gets pwnd by all the high level monsters, still its fun to summon him once in awhile. I tried going for Andramalech the thunder dragon but he pwnd me too. I HATE flying creatures!!!!! especially since I never used Balthier so he's still at level 23. So I can't get new espers yet. I guess I'll just have to settle for the one in the Stillshrine.
I'm avoiding powering up too much now, don't want the bosses to be too easy which is also why I skipped the Zodiac Spear. There was a way to get it early, but that would have been overkill. Its been good though, managed to actually kill the Ring Wyrm, took me like a half hour, especially since the bugger kept healing. I even killed the Gil Snapper, another long long looooooong battle.
I love the espers though, especially the music that plays while they're summoned, if anyone played FF Tactics for the PS1 they'd realise that most of them are based on the Zodiac Braves. Ivalice is a really cool world that I never thought I'd get to visit again. It is the setting of FF Tactics, FF11 and Vagrant Story.
My newfound focus on FF12 is due to the fact that I managed to finish "Dirge of Cereberus". Its a pretty good game although its not worth replaying unless you missed out on the special ending (which I managed to get the first time through). I tried playing on Extra Hard Mode, but really, there's nothing extra to get, just some pictures and character models to view in a menu.
All FF7 fans should play this though. Looks like we won't be seeing an FF7 remake for the PS3 anytime soon. The one Adole was talking about is just a hardware demo of what the game would look like on next-gen technology. Square is focusing on the FF13 series of games. But still, I hope if they do a remake that they go through a lot more than just redoing the original story.
Well I'm outta stuff for today. Nothing much happening except that I'm going to Times Square after work to cancel my DiGi line and I'm applying for a Celcom line instead. Faster connection speeds and it works in the office too. Then I'm gonna check out PC component prices at Imbi Plaza, as well as buy some games. One great thing about this country is our easy access to cetak rompak :D |
At 4:24 PM,
you need to watch Teletubbies.. :P
okay before you start wanting to strangle me, i was just kidding :)
i guess im quite the opposite though.. i like being with ppl..hehehhehehehehehe.. okay la i dont mind being alone but sometimes it sucks because im pretty loud and talkative so it sucks when there isnt anyone for me to victimise.. hehe..
okay has your hair grown back..?
At 5:40 PM,
Teletubbies ! I may be your cousin Kavi but I am starting to entertain the idea of killing you myself .. remember I know where you sleep :P
At 8:26 AM,
actually, i was about to post something to this thread, but i had an emergency meeting and had to close the internet. so now i forgot what i was about to write.
At 2:09 AM,
Whoa, if I didn't know you any better, I'd say that you're depresed. I've been in and out of that state as well. Sometimes I just get bored of interaction all together. Just hibernate in my house all alone with tons and tons of games and stuff. And I was happy. Once went for a week without talking to a single soul. Talking to the cashier when buying food doesn't count. Ultimately, everyone has their own way of life. And it changes all time, till the day they die. So, dont worry about your current attitude. Its fine.
Watched 007 already. He's kinda rough around the edges. Heh heh! Rookie! After the special torture he endured, I think he's impotent already. Dont you???
Wathed trinity blood some time ago. Last episode CD spoilt. Please tell me the ending!!!
Killed andramalech in 30 seconds. Real easy. He's weak against ice. Have everyone on reflect. Cast blizara on selves. Each blizara will hit all three characters and be reflected to andramalech. He'll be hit with so much bliz its funny. Easiest fight ever. Try it.