This post is obviously a follow up from Salty Peanuts III (aka SmokeyDesperado) I originally just wanted to comment in his post but after reading Magnus'es extra large and chunky post was inspired to write something more substantial , thus leading to this post.
The article that SP3 is reffering to is this :
(http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/nst/Thursday/Columns/20060921082747/Article/index_html)
Blogger to pay for lack of imagination
IN a case that will surely excite the netizens of Malaysia, a student is being charged for using only one emoticon in all of her blog entries.
Sasparilla Chen, 17, has been keeping a blog for the past year to record thrilling moments in her life such as her exam preparations, her on-off infatuation with a Thai VJ, and surprise birthday parties for her friends. Little did she know that her blog was being monitored by people other than her immediate "posse" — and this is where her troubles started.
Ambi Mohan, head of the popular Malaysian Linguistic Association (Malas), lodged a police report against Chen for always using only the standard smiley ( :) ) emoticon in each of her 28 blog entries. "I can’t believe she could be so lazy," says Ambi in his tastefully appointed office in Putrajaya. "Does she not know that keyboards can create many other emoticons such as the wink ( ;-) ) or the frown ( L )?"
"Yes, my association is now branching out into the Internet, although we don’t yet have a website," he continues. "My interest in the Internet started when my sister Anadil pointed out to me that Googling my name provided 40 hits! So it is now my duty to monitor linguistic usage on the Web."
On his specific beef against Chen, he says: "Using only one emoticon shows that she lacks an imaginative palette. It’s like a painter who only uses one colour. Surely such a painter will be rejected by the art world. But as blogs are not regulated by the government, such abuses are permitted to occur.
Like her entry on a celebrity’s wedding, which simply says, "She married a rich Datuk" and is followed by the smiley emoticon. Any fool can tell you that the proper emoticon should be a sad one ( :-< ) because any 17-year-old girl would surely be unhappy that yet another rich Datuk has been taken off the market!" Chen could not be reached for comment. It is understood that she has been so traumatised by the accusations against her that she has temporarily taken down her blog.
The reporter who wrote this column is Amir Muhammad , here are more posts by him .. see if you can find a pattern ...
Amir Muhammad on Thursday: The merchandise way to make varsity famous
21 Sep 2006
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A NEW university being constructed in the verdant Air Bangar valley will be significant for one simple reason: Undergraduates will no longer be subjected to, well, subjects.
Acting CEO Reizal Mat Din says that the novel complex will instead give pride of place to a souvenir shop. "We are so used to hearing about famous universities like Yale and Oxford," he says.
"Well, the only reason these Western universities are famous is that they have very active merchandising departments. These run the gamut, from T-shirts and sandals to mugs and fridge magnets."
He adds that those foreign universities took decades, sometimes centuries, to establish a firm reputation in academia. "This is something that we simply don’t have time for. If we wait a few decades, I will be six feet under and will not have the opportunity to be granted a Datukship. This will put my children at a distinct disadvantage."
The entire campus of Air Bangar University (ABU) is thought to cost RM2 billion, with slightly over half of it devoted to the Souvenir Department. Aside from the expected items that can be bought even on foreign campuses, various other collectibles will be on sale.
"Wouldn’t it be nice if visitors can take home a robot?" he gushes. "Yes, your very own ABU mechanised creature, with very human features. These are being specially constructed for us in Taiwan, which has many good electronics graduates.
"Or how about a genetically engineered plant? It will be created in Singapore, home to many bright forestry and bio-engineering students. You can personalise these plants by making it look as if your face is emerging from the tree trunk. Of course, the ABU logo will be prominently displayed as well. This will be a great hit whenever you throw outdoor parties, provided you have a large enough garden."
Even the name of the university was the result of careful research by marketing people. "We wanted it to be in English so it can sound global," explains Reizal. "But the acronym ABU is a down-to-earth Malay name, so we managed to combine East and West. Other universities have attempted to do this in their academic curricula, for example by combining Nietzsche with Sun Tzu, but we will get straight to the point by, you know, selling you stuff."
But will the university still need undergraduates? "Of course!" is the hearty reply. "Who do you think will be selling all these items to tourists? The great thing is that, instead of paying them salaries, we will charge them tuition fees. Thousands of undergrads will work in shifts; they will be dressed in uniforms that combine the colour scheme of McDonald’s with the traditional motif of Selangor Pewter staff. Their parents will be so proud of the hands-on education that will prepare these boys and girls for the marketplace."
Applications will be taken from early next year. Instead of a bothersome exam to determine entry, candidates will be judged solely on how photogenic they are. "After all, those with a pleasing countenance will be more likely to inspire sales."
A complex of restaurants and cafes will be the other main feature of the campus. "We will be inviting many prestigious multi-nationals to open up food outlets here. Profits can be improved because the serving staff will actually pay the companies!"
He adds that old-school universities such as Cambridge and Harvard are at a distinct disadvantage.
"Why bother with boring books and data when our specially imported cash registers will never be silent? Foreign tourists can also take back these souvenirs to their home country, helping to promote Malaysia as a centre for educational excellence and imported merchandise."
He he .. by now you should realise that the posts were meant as jokes. (SP3 slaps forehead in dismay) Ha ha ha .. Salty Peanuts III fell for it !!!! Ambi Mohan doesn't exist and there is no MALAS .. no police report was filed. Ha ha .... (ROTFLMFAO) I was aware of this joke/satire column and was just waiting for SP3 to post about it so I can LAUGH AT HIM :P hahahaahhaahahahahahahahahaha .... (again ROTFLMFAO) ..
Here are more by the same author :
New Straits Times
04 May 2006
Amir Muhammad
Linguists call for ‘Da Vinci Code’ ban
THE Malaysian Linguistic Association (Malas) has echoed calls by other parties to ban the controversial movie The Da Vinci Code.
The film is an adaptation of a best-selling novel that deals with some aspects of the Christian faith. But the objection by Malas has nothing to do with theology because "we don’t even know who Theo is", says its president Ambi Mohan.
The association’s chief objection is, instead, linguistic.
"For too long we have sat by and allowed language to be polluted but we have decided that enough’s enough. The Da Vinci Code should be banned because we don’t want to encourage youngsters to use ‘da’ as a lazy shorthand for ‘the’.
"We see this in rap lyrics," he claims.
"All this talk about ‘hanging out with da hoes’. You should be hanging out with THE hoes. This sort of begs the question of why someone would want to ‘hang out’ with gardening implements to begin with, but I am not here to question lifestyle choices, merely spelling, grammar and semantics."
He said the association might reconsider its protests if the filmmakers changed its name to The The Vinci Code.
"But even this is problematic because having two ‘thes’ in a row look ugly. So the film should be called The Vinci Code."
The film’s producers could not be reached for comment.
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Linguists seek Harry Potter ban
FRESH from its controversial call to ban The Da Vinci Code (NST, May 4), the Malaysian Linguistic Association (Malas) is once more taking aim at a pop-cultural institution be- loved of bourgeois readers.
Its president Ambi Mohan wants the final Harry Potter book banned. What’s unusual about this is that the book has yet to be published! The seventh and last instalment of British writer J.K. Rowling’s franchise about a boy wizard is due out only in July 2007 and does not even have a confirmed title yet.
"There’s nothing wrong with asking for something to be banned before we can fully ascertain its contents," he says while adjusting his trademark bow-tie. "This read-before-you-judge concept is very Eurocentric and not suited to our tropical climate."
The association’s objection to Harry Potter is not merely linguistic this time, but in the interest of national security.
"As a patriotic Malaysian, it is my duty to speak up," he says. "My sister Anadil, who attended a charity dinner hosted by an anti-drug foundation, told me that ‘pot’ is slang for marijuana. Therefore I suspect that Harry’s surname of Potter indicates that he is a drug addict. Potter means he specialises in pot, just as a ‘fighter’ is someone who fights and ‘forester’ someone who deals with forests. You’d need to be a linguist to figure this out."
Ambi confirms that he has no solid evidence to back this claim "but the data that we have is highly persuasive. Only a drug addict would imagine he is a wizard who can fly and disappear and perform magical tricks.
These things cannot happen in reality as they defy the laws of Physics, which I studied at secondary school. Also his initials are HP which can stand for Hemp Promotion."
He has another theory. "The reason why this final Harry Potter book is shrouded in mystery is that the author does not want to reveal its drug content. She knows this will cause the book to be banned in Malaysia (a very important market for the books) so she is keeping quiet.
I think the final book will reveal that Harry gets his amazing powers by smoking ganja, tooting on joints and firing up doobies!" he says and starts to giggle uncontrollably.
Rowling and her publisher could not be reached for comment although we really tried.
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Salty Peanuts III (SP3) I got one thing to say to you .. PAWNED ! Ha ha
Don't lose hope though. I can see by your post you were slightly skeptical of the entire incident ... but still it's funny that you actually believed it.
This is a good lesson for all of us bloggers .. we can easily make mistakes caused by misunderstanding or biased views and thus should be careful. Cause , we all don't wanna "do a Salty Peanut" and have people ROTFLTFAO ! Ha ha ... (in tears now , stomach in stiches). |
At 9:33 AM,
It all makes sense now. I was wondering what the hell kind of police station would even accept this kind of report.
A pity too since I was sadly taken in by Salty Peanuts III post. How on earth did you manage to bait him dood?
That being said, the fact is I can't really blame him for falling for this because it is totally believable as we all know that incredibly stupid people like the fictitious Malas crowd do exist here, mostly in Parliament though.
After all, we do have our national astronaut/cosmonaut/bolehnaut our out into space to make teh tarik. I think its about time I write to the government to explain the concept of gravity to them. They'll probably say we practice a different kind of gravity compared to the west.
At 9:54 AM,
SEE WARLOCK!!!!! even the "dark lord of DOTA" oso believes my post.... sigh...nvm dood... i'll get u someday.... its true dat im a little sceptical about d report but hey like Magnus sed, jokers like "Ambi Mohan" do exist in our mist...
At 11:05 AM,
Warlock, you cruel, cruel man...
I was wondering if it was a hoax.
At 10:25 PM,
Hah! Good one, man.
Now the sad thing is that its very believable cause of the state the country is in.